Beyond Words: What Is Your Love Language?

Love languages are a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman back in the 1990s. This concept perfectly illustrates the way partners demonstrate their love to each other: some people may want to cuddle, while others may give gifts or just say “I love you.” Just as people speak different languages, we may express our feelings differently.

When partners speak different love languages, it can be difficult for them to show how important the other person is to them. If you want to communicate your feelings effectively and make sure that your partner understands your feelings, this article is for you because we are going to analyze some love language examples and share some tips on how to find your love language.

What Does ‘Love Language’ Mean?

When we love someone, we want to show them that we care. However, people often face difficulties with doing it in a way that would speak to their partners. In 1992, Dr. Chapman wrote his book The 5 Love Languages, which was appreciated by millions of couples because it described the most common expressions of love.

Chapman spent many years practicing couples online talk therapy and noticed that many of his clients had the same problem — they misunderstood each other’s needs. Even though they wanted to show their partners how strong their feelings were, they often failed to understand what exactly their partners would appreciate.

After Chapman analyzed his notes, he identified five expressions of love people may respond to:

Physical touch;
Words of affirmation;
Quality time;
Receiving gifts;
Acts of service.

Let’s consider the 5 love languages in more detail.

The 5 Languages of Love Explained

1. Physical touch

The physical touch love language is all about hugging, kissing, holding hands, and sex. Physical contact with a loved one can strengthen a relationship and feels very affirming. People with this love language want to feel their partners physically, and the roots of this love language go back to our childhood when parents hugged us and we felt loved and safe.

If your partner values physical touch, you may want to cuddle and hold hands more often. This way, it will be easier for you to comfort them when they’re feeling down and remind them of your feelings.

2. Words of affirmation

The words of affirmation love language means that a person is most susceptible to verbal acknowledgments of love. A simple “I love you,” encouragement, compliment, or words of appreciation are very important for people with this love language.

An interesting thing about this love language is that words of affirmation work even at a distance. If you want your partner to feel loved and appreciated, you can text them more often and engage with them on social media.

If your partner appreciates words of affirmation, you may talk about your feelings more often. Make sure to verbally acknowledge their accomplishments and don’t hesitate to tell them how great they look today.

3. Quality time

The quality time love language means that a person particularly appreciates spending time with their partner, whether it be watching a movie together, going on a trip, or doing any other activities.

However, quality time is not only about activities but also the quality of interactions. People with this love language appreciate active listening and attention from their partners.

If your partner values quality time, you should think of how you two spend time together. Make sure that your partner gets a lot of attention from you, and avoid distractions. Have meaningful conversations and make some time for just the two of you.

4. Receiving gifts

Another way to show your affection is by giving gifts. The gift-giving love language is pretty straightforward. However, you shouldn’t think of it as a purely transactional language. Of course, your partner may appreciate expensive gifts, but the main thing is your thoughts behind a present.

People with this love language appreciate the entire process of gift giving, including choosing objects that can demonstrate love and care, and the emotional part of receiving gifts.

If you want your partner to love your gifts, make sure that they are meaningful. Your gifts should reflect your care and your partner’s values and interests.

5. Acts of service

People with this love language appreciate help and support. In this case, you should go the extra mile to make your partner’s life easier and more enjoyable.

This love language is about everyday commitment. For example, you may make coffee for your partner in the morning, pick up their laundry, or do some house chores.

The acts of service love language are all about actions, and people with this love language believe that actions speak louder than words. Think of what your partner may appreciate in their everyday life and make sure to offer your help before they ask for it.

What Is Your Love Language?

You can use the following section as a love language test, marking statements that resonate with you. Once you’ve checked all the love language examples you can relate to, compare different languages and see which ones got the most matches.

What do you expect from your partner? What makes you feel loved and appreciated? What do you consider particularly important in a relationship? Keep in mind that you may have more than one love language, but some of them might be more important than others.

Acts of service

When you’re tired or stressed up, you want your partner to ease your burden by helping you. You want to rely on your partner knowing that they can take care of some of your problems.
You like it when your partner does little chores for you and makes your life easier from a practical perspective.
You appreciate it when your partner follows through on something and pays attention. You like it when you can trust them even with little details.
You believe that talk is cheap. Words don’t really impress you and you want your partner to show that they care.

Receiving gifts

Whenever you go on a trip, you take home some things that will remind you of your experiences. You like material objects that represent happy moments from the past.
When you receive gifts, you feel loved. You like a present itself, but it’s the thought behind the gift that really matters.
Receiving birthday or anniversary gifts makes these days feel special. These gifts remind you of your partner’s commitment.
You like meaningful gifts because they symbolize the deep connection between you and your partner. You also love surprise gifts.

Quality time

You appreciate when your partner makes time for you and doesn’t cancel plans, making you a priority in their schedule.
You like it when nothing distracts you from your partner and nothing interrupts your conversations and activities that you enjoy together.
You believe that time is precious and you want to spend as much time as possible with your loved one.
You feel happy and content when you’re around your partner. Even when you’re not really doing anything, you want to share the moment with them.

Words of affirmation

You like to be praised and acknowledged. Whenever your partner recognizes your effort, you feel valued.
You believe that the words “I love you” are particularly important. They are very meaningful, and they always feel special.
When your partner thanks you after you do something nice for them, you feel appreciated and loved.
Details are important to you, and you like it when your partner notices the way you’re dressed or changes in your appearance.

Physical touch

You feel grounded and loved when you cuddle or hold hands with your partner. You love long hugs and kisses.
You like to stay close to your partner. When they are nearby, you want to touch, hug them, or play with their hair.
You appreciate public displays of affection because they make you feel desired and loved.
Sex makes you feel closer to your partner, and physical intimacy makes you more emotionally attached.

Also read: Are Highlighters Bad For Eyes?

Wrapping Up

When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to not only express your feelings but also be sure that your partner understands the message. Quite often, partners have different love languages, which means that you may need to express your love in a way different from what you would like to see from your loved one.

What to do if you just can’t figure out what your love language is? What if something stops you from showing love in a way your partner would appreciate? If you want to figure out what can make you “click” or better understand the way your feelings work, a great solution is to talk to a therapist.If you don’t have much time to commute to a therapist’s office or if you would rather spend this time with your loved one, you can use online therapy platforms like Calmerry, which enable you to talk to licensed therapists remotely. Learn more about the benefits of talk therapy before you start your journey to a more fulfilling life.